Wow, that was sad. Interesting idea(I was thinking about Simon giving her all those drugs last night whe we were watching War Stories, and yeah, gosh. Sad. But in the good way.
Your grasp of their speech patterns, and the way they interact, is extremely strong. I could see, and especially hear, all these scenes. Very powerful writing.
Ooh, you write this well - I can see it all in my head, them standing around talking; and I can hear their voices plain as day. It's very strong and believable - I like! Your brain good.
ohhhh, poor simon :( just the first line made my heart skip a beat.
also, your mal voice (and related descriptions)? absolutely spot-on. i could hear him speaking your words in my head, and every one fit. the other characters were great, of course, but mal stuck out to me.
great job, i'm so glad you keep working in this fandom. :)
The crew interaction in this is really very, very good. I love how they are all there, and how they all have a voice. I enjoyed Mal's reaction - almost like he's dealing with the loss by turning into a hard ass for a while (and then settling down when he realizes). I was also amused by Jayne - suddenly he cares so much about River? It really works since it shows his selfish/wanna be looking good-protective/jerkiness all at once. Great story, good idea, and it left me wanting to see what they would do next.
as morbid as the subject matter was, i reallyreally enjoyed writing the dialogue, and was surprised at how easy it was!
and yes, Jayne being a jerk, hee. I was thinking he'd want to be protecting his own self, and suggesting they don't hold onto the guy aboard who kills his own sister, regardless of how tactless that suggestion might be :D
as to what they might do next? heh. that's kinda what spurred the story on in the first place - the thought of what Simon's life would be like if River was abruptly no longer in it... what would he have left? what would he have left to fight for? and wouldn't fighting for it be easier now that she was no longer in the line of fire and there's nothing left for him to lose? he doesn't strike me as the type who would just crawl under a porch somewhere to die now that his leading purpose in life has gone.
also, there's this plot device, known in comics as the 'girlfriend in the refrigerator', where the villian kills the superhero's wife/girlfriend/spouse just to piss him off, conveniently giving the superhero in question an excuse to go on a mighty revenge rampage (think: batman).
i reallyreally enjoyed writing the dialogue, and was surprised at how easy it was!
I love writing dialogue. It can be really fun.
I've been meaning to reply to this for ages, but haven't had the time. I do really like the idea here.
I was thinking he'd want to be protecting his own self, and suggesting they don't hold onto the guy aboard who kills his own sister, regardless of how tactless that suggestion might be
Yeah, if he can't trust the doctor to do good doctoring, then why should they have him on board? It would negate the whole 'Jayne I will never hurt you while you are on this table' conversation.
I agree Simon might go on a rampage. A quiet, controlled, nasty rampage that would leave the others wondering who had really been the crazy one. I don't think all of them would stand by him. Well, maybe they would. But there would be a lot of Mal/Simon tussling beforehand.
I'm well late with the feedback, mainly because I've just found this by the weirdest means ever but I digress:
Really intense fic you got here, really like the characterizations especially when it came down to their reactions. bittersweet and angsty, gonna have to put in memories if you don't mind. Very enjoyable and the line last definetely hits me.
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I read it once, heart in my mouth, like I was seeing "Out of Gas" for the first time.
Then I read it again, with all the sweet and sharp little details sinking into my head.
And this story is going to burrow under my skin and stick with me.
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Hard to leave feedback when your emotions are still reeling. But in a good way.
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also, your mal voice (and related descriptions)? absolutely spot-on. i could hear him speaking your words in my head, and every one fit. the other characters were great, of course, but mal stuck out to me.
great job, i'm so glad you keep working in this fandom. :)
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as morbid as the subject matter was, i reallyreally enjoyed writing the dialogue, and was surprised at how easy it was!
and yes, Jayne being a jerk, hee. I was thinking he'd want to be protecting his own self, and suggesting they don't hold onto the guy aboard who kills his own sister, regardless of how tactless that suggestion might be :D
as to what they might do next? heh. that's kinda what spurred the story on in the first place - the thought of what Simon's life would be like if River was abruptly no longer in it... what would he have left? what would he have left to fight for? and wouldn't fighting for it be easier now that she was no longer in the line of fire and there's nothing left for him to lose? he doesn't strike me as the type who would just crawl under a porch somewhere to die now that his leading purpose in life has gone.
also, there's this plot device, known in comics as the 'girlfriend in the refrigerator', where the villian kills the superhero's wife/girlfriend/spouse just to piss him off, conveniently giving the superhero in question an excuse to go on a mighty revenge rampage (think: batman).
anyhoo. hi!
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I love writing dialogue. It can be really fun.
I've been meaning to reply to this for ages, but haven't had the time. I do really like the idea here.
Yeah, if he can't trust the doctor to do good doctoring, then why should they have him on board? It would negate the whole 'Jayne I will never hurt you while you are on this table' conversation.
I agree Simon might go on a rampage. A quiet, controlled, nasty rampage that would leave the others wondering who had really been the crazy one. I don't think all of them would stand by him. Well, maybe they would. But there would be a lot of Mal/Simon tussling beforehand.
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Really intense fic you got here, really like the characterizations especially when it came down to their reactions. bittersweet and angsty, gonna have to put in memories if you don't mind. Very enjoyable and the line last definetely hits me.