EEEE! Finally! This is fabulous! Sweet and hot, and everything, character and atmosphere and everything was just, aw'hart, spot on. You write Jayne beautifully! I've told you this millions of times, but you are so good with imagery, everything is so vivid and lush and mm. num. Poor wee mussed-up Simone. It aint right him getting left like that. Do we get a sequel?
ooooh, that was so good. your jayne voice is really amazing, accurate but never overly stylized, and you really touched on some interesting personality issues.
And Simon’s out of the bed and past him, moving in that strange way like any bit of Serenity he touches might scorch him any moment.
oh god, that's PERFECT. i love the way simon moves, with his arms all up in the air and such, but i couldn't ever figure out how to put it in words. i love the attention to detail. :)
I like the structure - beginning and ending with memories of home. I really enjoyed small things like leading up to being lectured by Mal by talking about schoolin'. It was a nice way to get at Mal's annoying-est qualities and the way he is always shutting Jayne down. That whole scene was very good, with Jayne feeling boxed into a corner. I actually, um, empathised with the big jerk.
Very good voices! Neat little Inara-Jayne almost-bonding momemt. I love the little things like that.
'Their arsenal' being, when Mal's in this good a mood, Jayne's own store of ammo and weaponry
Ahh, Mal does understand and care!
Nice build up to the Simon/Jayne smut -- it works very well!
hee, probably no sequel, i like where i left it... the relationship i ended up writing kind of came all together after a convo i had with mary about the simon/jayne dynamic the other day, we should chat about it more when you are present.
thankyou for your feedback. i am extremely glad you like it :) ♥
thankyou so much!! Jayne is tricksy for all his simplicity, so easy to go over the top, or, in the other direction, slip OOC.
i was kinda pleased with that description of Simon's particular way of moving on serenity too, like he's tiptoeing precariously on an the icy deck of a sailboat or something :D
thankyou VERY much for the feedback :) i'm glad you enjoyed it.
thankyou :) Mal's voice always seems to just flow right out of me, it's a shame I don't have the urge to write about him more, heh.
I'm glad the Jayne stuff worked so well for you - as i was saying above (as you probably know yourself!), it can be difficult to write a Jayne outside the comic-relief space without getting out of character, if that makes sense... but yes, i am extremely glad it clicked with you :)
This is beautiful - your characterization of Jayne and the way things develop between him and River. The Simon/Jayne, of course, is awesome... I'd love to read more :D
I just stayed up way past any sensible bedtime to read most of your Firefly stories (and then to flail quietly for a while). I totally heart them, especially your Simon/Jayne stories, which are totally awesome in ways I can't begin to type intelligently or even coherently about.
Simon/Jayne somehow became the only pairing to ping the OTP center of my brain on a show where pretty much anyone could be sleeping with pretty much anyone else, and Noble as a grape is my most favoritest thing out of everything with them I've found.
Thank you SO MUCH for writing this story, I hope at some point to send you something of actual substance about how fantastic it is. :D
thankyou so much for this wonderful feedback! I love the simon/jayne pairing myself, so it's rewarding enough to find someone else who enjoys it, let along someone who deals out this much praise about my own stuff!
i am very, very touched. and extremely glad that you like this story. i am rather fond of it myself ;)
Um loved it. Not only a good story but good writing which, I dunno, MATTERS to me. :D So, thanks for a dose of good fanfic and I can't wait for some more! especially of the Simon/Jayne persuasion.
yaye! i'm very glad you liked this. i'm particularly fond of this story myself - i think it's the longest i've ever written! - so it's always wonderful to hear that other people have enjoyed it.
i have a feeling i'll be writing a fair bit of simon/jayne for the forseeable future :D
That was fabulous. Hey, if I get fired for reading fic at work, it will be worth it, for this ;) anatsuno told me the good Firefly fic was here and it is.
I love Jayne and River in this. Jayne's voice is perfect, and because it's Jayne's point of view, Simon gets to remain all closed-off, which is the natural state of affairs for him. His last little 'I see' kills me. The whole thing is beautifully written and the characterisation, the dialogue, all the little details are just spot on and gorgeous.
I'm glad the River stuff in this worked for you too - i like to think that this story is just as much about her as it is the two of them. that is to say, it's about the three of them ;D
thankyou for the wonderful feedback, i really appreciate it.
I know this is belated feedback but just found this through a google search and wanted to say how much I enjoyed it. Tension was very provocative and Simon's reaction at the end made me wish for a sequel even though I liked watching it half unresolved. Very nice to read *hugs*
This is the best, most satisfying, most nourishing piece of fan fiction I have ever read. I know those are weird descriptors, but it's the truth.
And I think the biggest factor there is the way you build a solid base, from other elements, rather than coming at it from "how can i get these two snogging?" like most fan fiction seems to be. I particularly like the depth of River here, and that she's not just a tool to develop the pairing. And your writing style! hngieoa;ateset. nbge;waw. awefaweo! saeth, esahtiates... And that's all I have to say about that.
Though.. what was up with Inara? SO CRYPTIC. I suppose there were other bits like that though, that were kind of unanswered, but just sort of fed into the build of a reality...
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And Simon’s out of the bed and past him, moving in that strange way like any bit of Serenity he touches might scorch him any moment.
oh god, that's PERFECT. i love the way simon moves, with his arms all up in the air and such, but i couldn't ever figure out how to put it in words. i love the attention to detail. :)
great, great job. *two thumbs up*
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Very good voices! Neat little Inara-Jayne almost-bonding momemt. I love the little things like that.
Ahh, Mal does understand and care!
Nice build up to the Simon/Jayne smut -- it works very well!
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I so did not want it to end. How dare you. :P
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thankyou for your feedback. i am extremely glad you like it :) ♥
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i was kinda pleased with that description of Simon's particular way of moving on serenity too, like he's tiptoeing precariously on an the icy deck of a sailboat or something :D
thankyou VERY much for the feedback :) i'm glad you enjoyed it.
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I'm glad the Jayne stuff worked so well for you - as i was saying above (as you probably know yourself!), it can be difficult to write a Jayne outside the comic-relief space without getting out of character, if that makes sense... but yes, i am extremely glad it clicked with you :)
thanks so much for the feedback :D
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thankyou for the wonderful feedback, I'm very glad you enjoyed it :)
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I'm glad you enjoyed the Jayne+River dynamic, that was just as important to me in the story (while i was writing it, anyway) as the Jayne/Simon.
I shall hop to it and hope my muse comes up with more soon!
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Simon/Jayne somehow became the only pairing to ping the OTP center of my brain on a show where pretty much anyone could be sleeping with pretty much anyone else, and Noble as a grape is my most favoritest thing out of everything with them I've found.
Thank you SO MUCH for writing this story, I hope at some point to send you something of actual substance about how fantastic it is. :D
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i am very, very touched. and extremely glad that you like this story. i am rather fond of it myself ;)
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i have a feeling i'll be writing a fair bit of simon/jayne for the forseeable future :D
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I love Jayne and River in this. Jayne's voice is perfect, and because it's Jayne's point of view, Simon gets to remain all closed-off, which is the natural state of affairs for him. His last little 'I see' kills me. The whole thing is beautifully written and the characterisation, the dialogue, all the little details are just spot on and gorgeous.
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I'm glad the River stuff in this worked for you too - i like to think that this story is just as much about her as it is the two of them. that is to say, it's about the three of them ;D
thankyou for the wonderful feedback, i really appreciate it.
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And I think the biggest factor there is the way you build a solid base, from other elements, rather than coming at it from "how can i get these two snogging?" like most fan fiction seems to be. I particularly like the depth of River here, and that she's not just a tool to develop the pairing. And your writing style! hngieoa;ateset. nbge;waw. awefaweo! saeth, esahtiates... And that's all I have to say about that.
Though.. what was up with Inara? SO CRYPTIC. I suppose there were other bits like that though, that were kind of unanswered, but just sort of fed into the build of a reality...
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Thank you!
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I suppose there were other bits like that though, that were kind of unanswered, but just sort of fed into the build of a reality...
Er, yes, that sounds like me. I'm still writing like that, four years later *g*