Oh, very nice. And very long! I always admire people who can write long fic. I like how drawn-out it is, and how much time it covers. Dude. I wish I could do that.
And you'll have to share a bunk." "That ain't gonna be a problem
Heh. I like this little twist on the original Jayne&Mal meet up/bargaining. In fact, I like many things. Things like how on the journey to the hospital job, Simon gets more snippy and less rough - as they're moving into more 'civilized' areas, Simon pulls that facade back on.
Aww. Vera!
It's interesting how grim Jayne's pre-crime life is, too. It's a nice testament to the idea that no matter how rough things got for the Serenity crew, life on the ground for their type would probably be worse.
Also, I have to laugh, because my ficathon entry (OMG, it's KILLING me to be sitting on it like this - I want to POST!) can basically be encapsulated as : Jayne + Simon + plan + booze = Jayne going down on Simon (yeah, there's a little more plot also. maybe. and also, huh, maybe that should be the summary for it), and so reading that section here, I was thinking, "Yep, Looks like Jayne's got his patterns, heh." Also, I was thinking HOT while I was reading your stuff
thankyou!! i'm really glad you liked it. i can't actually usually write things even like, a quarter this long. but i don't know, it just let me keep going on and on with this one.
and hee, ficathon story! i can't wait. also, i need to write mine, now. oop.
Neat. The language is very evocative and really infuses the whole story with a sense of melancholy. I'm not usually a reader of Simon/Jayne because of all the (IMO) canon incompatible, but I think you do an amazing job of creating an AU world which believably brings them together. I like the dynamic you create between them, with each strong and weak by turns. I get the feeling Simon may the brains of the operation (love how Mal is mostly watching Simon in the last scene) but they're very much equals.
I'm glad you were able to take this idea and run with it.
thankyou! and thanks for giving it a try, even when you're not usually a 'shipper of this pairing :) thanks for the great feedback, too, i'm glad you liked those aspects of it. it was tricky, when i was writing it, to great a viable dynamic for the situation without slipping them too far out of canon character, if that makes sense.
Ohhhh, you're good. I loved the bleakness of this, and was so glad when they got a hopeful new start at the end. I almost cheered when I realized it was Zoe and Mal. I could see their little world so clearly, and for that I thank you.
I love this in all its grittiness and desperation, all its bittness and fierce love, but most especially I love Simon-softened Jayne and Jayne-sharpened Simon. I also am having many delightful thoughts about these new versions of Jayne & Simon aboard Serenity, particularly Simon as a cunning, calculated mercenary.
most especially I love Simon-softened Jayne and Jayne-sharpened Simon
do you mean like, Jayne-softened-by-Simon etc or Jayne-softened to be more like Simon?
one of the things i was most concerned with when i started writing it was keeping Jayne in character... not diverging too far from canon. Simon i wasn't too worried about, as it's relatively straightforward to see him being quite different in a setting like that, sans river. in the end i just figured that in an AU where something different happened to the character, they would develop/change accordingly... obviously we see what happens with Simon. we're not really aware what has happened with Jayne, but that doesn't stop me using that as an excuse for his OOC-ness. :D
anyhoo!
I also am having many delightful thoughts about these new versions of Jayne & Simon aboard Serenity, particularly Simon as a cunning, calculated mercenary.
oooh, me too. hee. i am tempted to write more in this universe. methinks mal might not like them all that much, as they'd tend to be more dedicated to eachother than the rest of the crew/ship. but, you know, maybe they'd come round. they're both pretty fucked up, though.
whee au!
can i also just say i'm real glad you like this because i reached a point where i was like, "dude. i hope i'm not just re-writing birthright etc, here."
I meant Jayne-softened-by-Simon. Jayne in this is still harsh, and grows more so as the story continues, but he has someone else to look out for, and he knows that someone else has his back. He's still so very Jayne though, only instead just looking out for himself, he's looking out for "me and mine." I don't think his empathy extends beyond Simon.
I would love to see some stories set aboard Serenity in this AU. I can easily see how Simon and Mal would get into it, and I'd advise Mal to watch his back. Jayne isn't completely trustworthy, but he's also not that bright, and it's pretty easy to see the wheels turning in his head. I can see AU Simon blindsiding someone with no warning and with great success. If it had been AU Simon turning Simon and River over to the Feds on Ariel (this is making strange images in my head), he would have got it right.
But re-writing Birthright is fun!
We watched Ariel last night, and determined that Special Two Jayne tells River to shut up before he shuts her up about five times a day and each time she gives him the same look she gives him right there.
He's still so very Jayne though, only instead just looking out for himself, he's looking out for "me and mine." I don't think his empathy extends beyond Simon.
definitely!
I can see AU Simon blindsiding someone with no warning and with great success.
oooer. you are SO feeding the ravenous plotbunnies in my head. i am definitely going to write more in this universe, and soon.
We watched Ariel last night, and determined that Special Two Jayne tells River to shut up before he shuts her up about five times a day and each time she gives him the same look she gives him right there.
*cackle* omg YES. i love river's 'looks'. and all of jayne's "i know, how bout we play shut the hell up, is that a fun game?" lines.
I know, how 'bout we play shut the hell up, is that a fun game? has been my favoritest thing to say to the sister ever since I heard it fall from Jayne's lips. Though when we have visitors I think they must think I'm a real beast to the horrible girl. Either that or we're lunatics, as it makes us cackle with glee each time.
So it's like this AU where Simon comes to live with Jayne because he and the crate came down in an accident on Jayne's family's planet, and River died in the crate, and so Simon has nothing left and Jayne never had anything to begin with, so they pool their diverse talents and become bandits together, and they're all spiky but good together, and then they have sex. And then they find everybody else later!
And I realise that is a synopsis but what I am saying is that OMG it's cool! That is so cool. Your imagination is so shiny!
The voice is fantastic. He is both sympathetic and Jayne-like buffoonish; clearly clever in his particular way: adaptable, strategic, perceptive; empathetic from within his hard survival boundaries.
Don't tell Ma!! Priceless.
This was so meaty and satisfying, and not just in a man-meaty way. Why don't you write 20,000 words every week, huh? I want another one, do it again, harder harder OMG!
thankyou so much for the feedback! and the detailed feedback! i like it best. and also, the synopsis. it's been years since i've felt compelled to like, come up with a summary for a story. this one is perfect, hee!
i'm fond of my imagination. i wish it would come up with things like this more often, because i'd be quite happy to write 20,000 words per week.
I love you and I really, really love this. There's not a single lazy paragraph, everything is so tightly done and just . . . wow. Plus I really love the image of Simon with freckles. X3X3
Seriously, though, you were so wonderful with the descriptions. It was so easy to visualize each scene, and you captured both of their voices so well. I could hear each of them saying each line and it was such a wonderful read.
thankyou so much! i did worry when i got toward the end that the word count was just growing and growing due to my "and then they went south. it was grassy. it got warmer. they carried their guns. then they caught the train east." etc.
thankyou for the wonderful feedback. I'm so very glad you enjoyed it :D
Hopest, this is wonderful. I'm frankly impressed by your ability to put them both in such different circumstances, while making them essentially the same people. The biggest differences are with Jayne, having never left home, having never become so singular, but it doesn't grate with me. I can believe it, if you understand what I mean. I enjoyed it so very much. Thank you.
eeee, hello! thankyou so much :D especially for mentioning the jayne characterisation, i had more than a little concern that i'd pull that off. but, yayes!
I loved this. I really enjoy AU stories when they are well written and the characters stay in character even though they are in different situations. And you managed both of these things beautifully. I really loved Jayne's mom, Vera! how great was that. I enjoyed how the realtionship between Jayne and Simon developed, as well as their introduction to Mal and Zoe. Even though it was a long fic, you left me wanting to know more. What happens next? And that is the sign of a GREAT story.
This is one of the best written fics I ever read, without a doubt. I loved Jayne's 'voice' throughout the story. So very well done. The passage of time shown through Simon's scar was neat, and Jayne's life pre-Serenity was nicely protrayed. I like the way you created the 'world' that they lived in, the people and its characteristics, and their relationship was amazingly done...there are so many good things about this fic. Also bonus points for getting me hooked right at the beginning, something that fic often doesn't do.
You are getting the sense how much I loved this? Mind if I rec it on my own journal at some point?
Ohhh God. This made my heart hurt, with River dead and Vera, but with everything that happens all twisted up and yet somehow the same and it just IS Jayne and Simon. You're my favorite ever.
I've been trying to resist the lure of Firefly fanfic, but I just couldn't do it. And then I wrote Jayne/hat, so I am going to the Special Hell.
I love this story. It is so beautifully written and so well put together. It's so sort of melancholy and sad, but good all the same. I was hoping beyond hope that Mal would take 'em in in the end and that rocks.
I love this story SO much. I will definetly be reccing it. :)
This is a beautiful and bleak and subtle and charming and moody tale. There's such a wonderful range of emotion and yet, your writing is stark. A richness in simplicity. Gah, you've hit my writing kink. Such a wonderful Jayne voice. I adore Vera (such a lovely throw-in! it had me smiling and yet sad). Oh~~All the descriptions are lovely and weighted. I'm rambling.
I love the world you've placed them in. It's so oppressive and dark. I shivered everytime you referenced the dust and black. It's so tangible and horrific. I hadn't realized this was an AU fic initially. I had to reread the first section a couple of times to realize what was going on. God, that image of River just sticks. And what I truely love about it is that you didn't really need to describe it. The mind fills in the blanks from 'color' and 'fungal'.
I never knew where you were going with this. I love that. The sense of time passing just isn't there until you pay attention. I mean, logically you know time passes. But it's never like 'oh, it's been five years since Jayne found Simon', that'd be too simple, so out of character. Because to them, time would only be defined by their heists and travel. Them finding Serenity in the end just offers such wonderful hope :D
I really wish I had something more constructive to say. In essence: This story is wonderful and I've greatly enjoyed reading it. Thank you for writing it and thank you for sharing it.
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I think my favourite line was from Ma; “We’d better go on in before he gets it in his head that he wants to cook somethin’.”
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THANKYOU SQUISHIE!
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Heh. I like this little twist on the original Jayne&Mal meet up/bargaining. In fact, I like many things. Things like how on the journey to the hospital job, Simon gets more snippy and less rough - as they're moving into more 'civilized' areas, Simon pulls that facade back on.
Aww. Vera!
It's interesting how grim Jayne's pre-crime life is, too. It's a nice testament to the idea that no matter how rough things got for the Serenity crew, life on the ground for their type would probably be worse.
Also, I have to laugh, because my ficathon entry (OMG, it's KILLING me to be sitting on it like this - I want to POST!) can basically be encapsulated as : Jayne + Simon + plan + booze = Jayne going down on Simon (yeah, there's a little more plot also. maybe. and also, huh, maybe that should be the summary for it), and so reading that section here, I was thinking, "Yep, Looks like Jayne's got his patterns, heh." Also, I was thinking HOT while I was reading your stuff
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and hee, ficathon story! i can't wait. also, i need to write mine, now. oop.
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I liked the bleakness of Jaynes life, how drab and awful it would have been if he'd stayed there.
And the moment when he opens the case, and you know that River's dead - it gave me chills, the image of her there, not sleeping, but dead and grey.
I think it had a wonderful melancholy quality to it, even the funny parts tinged over with sadness.
I'm glad they found Serenity in the end :)
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i'm really really glad you enjoyed :):)
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I'm glad you were able to take this idea and run with it.
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:) thankyou, again, for reading.
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*giant harts!*
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most especially I love Simon-softened Jayne and Jayne-sharpened Simon
do you mean like, Jayne-softened-by-Simon etc or Jayne-softened to be more like Simon?
one of the things i was most concerned with when i started writing it was keeping Jayne in character... not diverging too far from canon. Simon i wasn't too worried about, as it's relatively straightforward to see him being quite different in a setting like that, sans river. in the end i just figured that in an AU where something different happened to the character, they would develop/change accordingly... obviously we see what happens with Simon. we're not really aware what has happened with Jayne, but that doesn't stop me using that as an excuse for his OOC-ness. :D
anyhoo!
I also am having many delightful thoughts about these new versions of Jayne & Simon aboard Serenity, particularly Simon as a cunning, calculated mercenary.
oooh, me too. hee. i am tempted to write more in this universe. methinks mal might not like them all that much, as they'd tend to be more dedicated to eachother than the rest of the crew/ship. but, you know, maybe they'd come round. they're both pretty fucked up, though.
whee au!
can i also just say i'm real glad you like this because i reached a point where i was like, "dude. i hope i'm not just re-writing birthright etc, here."
:D
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I would love to see some stories set aboard Serenity in this AU. I can easily see how Simon and Mal would get into it, and I'd advise Mal to watch his back. Jayne isn't completely trustworthy, but he's also not that bright, and it's pretty easy to see the wheels turning in his head. I can see AU Simon blindsiding someone with no warning and with great success. If it had been AU Simon turning Simon and River over to the Feds on Ariel (this is making strange images in my head), he would have got it right.
But re-writing Birthright is fun!
We watched Ariel last night, and determined that Special Two Jayne tells River to shut up before he shuts her up about five times a day and each time she gives him the same look she gives him right there.
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definitely!
I can see AU Simon blindsiding someone with no warning and with great success.
oooer. you are SO feeding the ravenous plotbunnies in my head. i am definitely going to write more in this universe, and soon.
We watched Ariel last night, and determined that Special Two Jayne tells River to shut up before he shuts her up about five times a day and each time she gives him the same look she gives him right there.
*cackle* omg YES. i love river's 'looks'. and all of jayne's "i know, how bout we play shut the hell up, is that a fun game?" lines.
gleeness.
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And I realise that is a synopsis but what I am saying is that OMG it's cool! That is so cool. Your imagination is so shiny!
The voice is fantastic. He is both sympathetic and Jayne-like buffoonish; clearly clever in his particular way: adaptable, strategic, perceptive; empathetic from within his hard survival boundaries.
Don't tell Ma!! Priceless.
This was so meaty and satisfying, and not just in a man-meaty way. Why don't you write 20,000 words every week, huh? I want another one, do it again, harder harder OMG!
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thankyou so much for the feedback! and the detailed feedback! i like it best. and also, the synopsis. it's been years since i've felt compelled to like, come up with a summary for a story. this one is perfect, hee!
i'm fond of my imagination. i wish it would come up with things like this more often, because i'd be quite happy to write 20,000 words per week.
*flails around*
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Seriously, though, you were so wonderful with the descriptions. It was so easy to visualize each scene, and you captured both of their voices so well. I could hear each of them saying each line and it was such a wonderful read.
Marvelous! :D!
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thankyou for the wonderful feedback. I'm so very glad you enjoyed it :D
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thank YOU for the feedback, and for enjoying it ♥
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I am pretty sure I'll be writing more in this universe. Don't think I can resist!
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You are getting the sense how much I loved this? Mind if I rec it on my own journal at some point?
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I love being recced, so please, feel free to stroke my ego at any time :D
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I've been trying to resist the lure of Firefly fanfic, but I just couldn't do it. And then I wrote Jayne/hat, so I am going to the Special Hell.
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I'm really glad you enjoyed this, and that the AU side of things came through successfully :D
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I love this story SO much. I will definetly be reccing it. :)
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and thankyou for reccing! it makes me very gleeful :)
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This is a beautiful and bleak and subtle and charming and moody tale. There's such a wonderful range of emotion and yet, your writing is stark. A richness in simplicity. Gah, you've hit my writing kink. Such a wonderful Jayne voice. I adore Vera (such a lovely throw-in! it had me smiling and yet sad). Oh~~All the descriptions are lovely and weighted. I'm rambling.
I love the world you've placed them in. It's so oppressive and dark. I shivered everytime you referenced the dust and black. It's so tangible and horrific. I hadn't realized this was an AU fic initially. I had to reread the first section a couple of times to realize what was going on. God, that image of River just sticks. And what I truely love about it is that you didn't really need to describe it. The mind fills in the blanks from 'color' and 'fungal'.
I never knew where you were going with this. I love that. The sense of time passing just isn't there until you pay attention. I mean, logically you know time passes. But it's never like 'oh, it's been five years since Jayne found Simon', that'd be too simple, so out of character. Because to them, time would only be defined by their heists and travel. Them finding Serenity in the end just offers such wonderful hope :D
I really wish I had something more constructive to say. In essence: This story is wonderful and I've greatly enjoyed reading it. Thank you for writing it and thank you for sharing it.
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I am really, really glad that you enjoyed this :) :) Thank you so much!
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BANDITS!
*looks around* yep, that's it from me.
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yay! yay firefly fic. :D
wow
Re: wow
Wow
Great fanfic loved it very much!
Liked Simon without River. Dark put still with hope.
Re: Wow
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