Oh fuck yeah, it's torturous. I feel like writing the first draft is like painfully dismantling the lifetime of social conditioning that's been grafted into my sense of shame/selfconsciousness. Along with all the anxieties about writing skilfully and originally piggy-backed on. Then the beta process is often the hardest part of all, having what you've blurted out scrutinised and criticised. Then posting - making it all public - is again anxiety-provoking.

Compared to gen fic, which usually has some plotty idea that I really like and feel accomplished over getting out so smoothly, and want other people to like too.

Why do we do this again?? *g*