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It's funny - lately (for the past few months, ackshully) I've been gobbling up Merlin fic like guilt-free junk food, and mightily enjoying the "download as epub" feature on the AO3* (not to mention the "order search results by wordcount" one). And, well, I've kind of read all the long stories on the AO3, now. So what now? I guess - sigh - I resort to delicious, and the annoyingness of length limits on LJ, and so now downloading things as epubs is somewhat more convoluted, blah blah...
Ah, huh. That warm fuzzy feeling of "it's so nice, just reading fanfic and not being involved in fandom and feeling all the self-inflicted emotional pressure of producing works and gaining approval/attention from it" receded when I started browsing stories on LJ, skimming past feedback, etc... I started feeling anxious and yearning and lonely and frustrated again. Clearly I have been conditioned by years of that kind of fannish exchange and process in that particular environment. (And the annoying thing is, I know that when I start writing again I well feel it NECESSARY to post on LJ rather than just on the AO3, because as shitty as this feeling is, I do need the treat that might come if I push the lever *this* time...)
Anyway. * For the record, my process of consuming fic on the AO3 is thus: 1) download epub, 2) read on ipad, 3) if I enjoyed it, I go to "my history" on a device with a keyboard, then bookmark and leave feedback. I probably leave feedback more consistently than I ever have! Which probably has not a little to do with the situation ramblingly described in the paragraph above.
Ah, huh. That warm fuzzy feeling of "it's so nice, just reading fanfic and not being involved in fandom and feeling all the self-inflicted emotional pressure of producing works and gaining approval/attention from it" receded when I started browsing stories on LJ, skimming past feedback, etc... I started feeling anxious and yearning and lonely and frustrated again. Clearly I have been conditioned by years of that kind of fannish exchange and process in that particular environment. (And the annoying thing is, I know that when I start writing again I well feel it NECESSARY to post on LJ rather than just on the AO3, because as shitty as this feeling is, I do need the treat that might come if I push the lever *this* time...)
Anyway. * For the record, my process of consuming fic on the AO3 is thus: 1) download epub, 2) read on ipad, 3) if I enjoyed it, I go to "my history" on a device with a keyboard, then bookmark and leave feedback. I probably leave feedback more consistently than I ever have! Which probably has not a little to do with the situation ramblingly described in the paragraph above.
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I have so many hearts in my eyes for the feedback you left for my long fic!
(btw, I do write a lot more, it's just that most of it doesn't meet my standards or doesn't get finished, so I don't post it! But I have a long WIP currently going on the kinkmeme which is nearly finished, and a few other things I hope to really get into after that...)
<3
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<3 <3
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I still cannot read "epub" with imagining electronically delivered glasses of beer, which one keeps on a coaster known as an iPad. Perhaps that is rather more accurate than my subconscious realizes. :)
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I wish I could write again right now... I have some ideas, but eh, don't know if I want to pursue it. I need it to just sweep me up and away, and not quite there yet.
xo
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I'm trying to get away from fannish guilt, though. Perhaps we should make a "we will not feel guilty about our lack of spoons!" pact?
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I'm not sure I feel a lot of fannish *guilt*, per se, more stress and yearning to be the centre of attention. *g*
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At that price (~$300), I'd just buy a netbook, stick Linux on it, and laugh at everybody.
:P