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Like. Ok. Can I just tear my hair out here for a moment? Because being me is really frustrating right this instant.
I won't pretend that Doing Stuff For People is an entirely selfless mode of behaviour, I do it because I like making people happy, I like pleasing people, making them feel good. Because it makes me feel good. It really really does. And it makes me feel just as uber-bad when I let down the same people I'm trying to help out. Which does happen on occasion, because I have a tendency to want to please everyone and take on more than I can actually handle.
And like, I don't do all these because I want to monopolise this little community we've got going here. I don't at all. Half the time this place causes me angst, and rage, and I have to disregard the majority of it in order to enjoy it at all. But I still love it.
So it literally feels like a physical kick to the stomach when I devote so much time and work to something (that has even more time and work set aside for it in the near future), and then something like this pops up (and lets just ignore the url surrounding that subdomain for now, though yeah, it might be considered pertinent).
I don't want to be the only person in the fandom that Does Shit, but I want the Shit that I Do to remain mine. Or at least, people to contact me if they decide they want to make it Theirs. Is it too much to ask for someone to consult me about taking over the reins instead of shooting me in the back and kicking me out of the saddle?
All my rants here lately seem to be bemoaning the lack of politeness, etiquette and manners in this fandom. I know that the very idea of 'Rules' around here is a joke, but politics aside, all I know is that I'm sitting here actually feeling nauseous, not out of disgust, but just. I don't know. Maybe it's a culmination of things in my own personal life, but it's a lot of fandom things too. I'm near to tears, here.
I know I'm not as spry and aggressive as I used to be with these kind of roles and duties I take on, but at least give me some respect.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go feel sorry for myself in the bathroom for a while, instead of randomly blubbering in an otherwise silent office.
eta: in hindsight, i'm unlocking the entry because yeah. i'm being honest here, i don't have anything to hide. and it's not like only The People I Have Listed as Friend are the only ones who use my websites, heh.
I won't pretend that Doing Stuff For People is an entirely selfless mode of behaviour, I do it because I like making people happy, I like pleasing people, making them feel good. Because it makes me feel good. It really really does. And it makes me feel just as uber-bad when I let down the same people I'm trying to help out. Which does happen on occasion, because I have a tendency to want to please everyone and take on more than I can actually handle.
And like, I don't do all these because I want to monopolise this little community we've got going here. I don't at all. Half the time this place causes me angst, and rage, and I have to disregard the majority of it in order to enjoy it at all. But I still love it.
So it literally feels like a physical kick to the stomach when I devote so much time and work to something (that has even more time and work set aside for it in the near future), and then something like this pops up (and lets just ignore the url surrounding that subdomain for now, though yeah, it might be considered pertinent).
I don't want to be the only person in the fandom that Does Shit, but I want the Shit that I Do to remain mine. Or at least, people to contact me if they decide they want to make it Theirs. Is it too much to ask for someone to consult me about taking over the reins instead of shooting me in the back and kicking me out of the saddle?
All my rants here lately seem to be bemoaning the lack of politeness, etiquette and manners in this fandom. I know that the very idea of 'Rules' around here is a joke, but politics aside, all I know is that I'm sitting here actually feeling nauseous, not out of disgust, but just. I don't know. Maybe it's a culmination of things in my own personal life, but it's a lot of fandom things too. I'm near to tears, here.
I know I'm not as spry and aggressive as I used to be with these kind of roles and duties I take on, but at least give me some respect.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go feel sorry for myself in the bathroom for a while, instead of randomly blubbering in an otherwise silent office.
eta: in hindsight, i'm unlocking the entry because yeah. i'm being honest here, i don't have anything to hide. and it's not like only The People I Have Listed as Friend are the only ones who use my websites, heh.