hope | (no subject)

I went with "He intended his life to end when Sam's did," BUT...I take it more in the sense, "OMG, Dad has asked to do something I don't think I can do, so, I'll just make sure Sam's infected, and THEN he'll try to infect me too, which is when I'll shoot him and then myself, because I can't take the chance I'll get infected and spread it as well, and this whole damn thing will make it so I have a decent reason to shoot my brother, and it's not as if I'm not obeying Dad, and OMG we're so screwed. I can't take it much more. Let's go out and that's it."

*G*
That is to say, I don't believe in Woobie!AT ALL COSTS!Can't live without Sam! Dean.
But I do believe in a young man who's lost his mother, father, has a grim perspective in front of him of his brother turning evil...the infection is a way out for someone on the brink of a breakdown.

which I suppose means that I really should have voted for option n. 1.
Ops.

Murder-suicide all the way, yo. If the AHBLs taught us anything it was ~~don't forget the pie~~ that Dean cannot fathom existence without His Sammy.

I think it's both. Dean's not about to leave Sam to die by himself and spend his last normal hours alone in an abandoned clinic; he's not about to let anyone else touch Sam; he knows he can't let Sam go apeshit and kill other people; and I think there's a hell of a good chance he'd be dead in the end too, either because he hesitates in shooting Sam and Sammy infects him, or he just fuckin' shoots himself anyway. Dean can't survive without Sam anyways. So why bother.

both.

Completely random, non-poll-related comment. Friending you because I just read ALL your non-flocked SPN meta, all in one marathon go, and I now desperately want to have hot brain sex with you because! somebody who writes meta on the construction of the Norm and the Other in SPN and the incredible queerness of Dean/Cassie? Do me now.

Too forward? sorry. That is all.

I don't think he thought it through in any analytical way. There's a basic rule in dean's brain that says "Protect Sam", so he was going to stay with him. I don't think he'd thought through "will i wait for sam to kill himself and then I'll kill myself, or will i let Sam turn rabid and kill me..."

But death was in the air so to speak, and I think just the thought of things STOPPING - not having to worry about his damn promise to john - was a relief.

so really my answer is "all of the above"

I saw it more as Dean already flirting with being suicidal, and Sam just giving him the excuse. I felt the same way in the S2 finale; if Dean hadn't found a way to bring Sam back, I'm convinced he would have been dead within a week. Probably not from anything as direct as sticking a gun in his mouth, but he would have taken on a case and gotten careless and welcomed the end when it came. I think Sam is the one thing keeping him going at this point, and if you take that away, he's a half-cocked gun just waiting to be set off.

I think option 1 was on Dean's mind, but in that rather fragile, self-hating state that he was in at the time, I suspect option 2 was not too far from his conscious mind.

BUTTSEX.

sheesh, i can't believe you didn't list that as an option.

I think that he quite simply couldn't leave. His belief system centres around the fact that if he leaves Sammy, Sam will get hurt. I think that is true on some deep internal level, even if Dean couldn't articulate it in that way. Going right back the shtriga episode, which I think is probably just the tip of the iceberg.

He just couldn't turn around and walk out that door - he can't leave Sam. When he says in another episode "I'd rather die" (than kill you) I think that's the literal truth. I think if Dean is contemplating suicide in this episode, it's only in the sense of "Death by Sammy". If Sam turns evil, Dean would rather die than a. be alone, or b. kill Sam. Even for the safety of the world. I seriously think that Dean wouldn't care (as we see in AHBL2).

If the world kills Sam, or turns him evil, then screw the world.

Even though I reckon he genuinely intended his life to end when Sam's did, I really don't think he'd have gone through with it. tried unsuccessfully, perhaps, but he wouldn't do it.