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If Rhys ran Torchwood....
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angstslashhope: *sends snippet of crackfic to Mary*sharpest_rose: A+ RHYS, YOU SHOULD RUN TORCHWOOD. angstslashhope: He would just spend the entire time sending Jack to the sun.Rhys: *centre of the sun*
Jack: *bursting from cryo drawer moments later* Hah-HAH! You thought you could thwart me, BUT I ESCAPED FROM THE SUN, REVIVED, BUILT A TIME MACHINE, CAME BACK TO CARDIFF 100 YEARS AGO AND FROZE MYSELF IN THIS DRAWER IN ORDER TO EMERGE AT THIS VERY MOMENT! NOW, WILLIAMS, I WILL--
Rhys: *centre of the sun*
sharpest_rose: Exactly! It would be wonderful. Rhys is all competent and shit. Torchwood wouldn't know what to do with itself. angstslashhope: He'd arrange to have a Torchwood jingle. A PROPER one. And maybe make Jack wear a monkey suit for the TV spot.sharpest_rose: I don't think "make" is the correct verb there. angstslashhope: Well, okay, maybe he *makes* Jack take it off before: a) being sent to the centre of the sun, because they are hard to replace and irreparable after incineration (only had to learn that once) and b) if Capn John is about, because stains-from-frottage are also difficult to get out and dry cleaning isn't in Rhys' new Torchwood budget.sharpest_rose: Rhys' budget makes Ianto cry.angstslashhope: He makes Ianto wear a polo shirt with a Torchwood monogram on it.sharpest_rose: Gwen will be sad when Ianto kills Rhys. angstslashhope: Jack will miss the monkey suit. But he and Gwen will console each other by going down to the shooting range where Jack will "train Gwen how to shoot" while wearing the monkey suit. The others just wouldn't understand. But Ianto is too busy trying to figure out how to send his polo shirt to the centre of the sun that he doesn't really notice.sharpest_rose: All of these things are absolutely true. angstslashhope: I am going to post this conversation to my LJ. It deserves to be immortalised.Also, an outtake:
angstslashhope: *more snippets from year-that-wasn't crackfic*sharpest_rose: It is the saddest thing in the world that this year doesn't happen, it truly is. Genocide is well worth these moments. angstslashhope: Damn right it is. Maybe they can just stay down there forever. They can BREED down there. Then, thousands of years in the future when Jack finally manages to get back in order to have a weep, he discovers an entire inbred Torchwood civilisation beneath where Cardiff used to be. It'll be like Red Dwarf where the Cat has evolved and Lister is his species' god. They will all be very bitter and angry at Jack for forsaking them and will daily follow the scriptures of Ye Olde Team Building List.So, Whoniverse/Red Dwarf crossover, Y/Y?
Lister, Kryten, Rimmer, Cat, Holly: This is so crap! We're three million years from earth, floating on a space ship the size of a city but with no one but each other for company. And, more importantly, no one to shag!
Jack: HELLO! I've come to have sex with everyone! YES I MEAN EVERYONE!
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Do you think Jack would actually have sex with Rimmer? *considers* Actually. Probably. Jack, you are such a slut.
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Yes. Jack is the reason they call it a "hard light beam".
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YES.
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Jack: HELLO! I've come to have sex with everyone! YES I MEAN EVERYONE!
I have SO been waiting for this like you don't even KNOW.
Okay, I lie. I've only been praying to the slash gods for Jack/Rimmer. But if I had to read the rest, I suppose I would.
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*laugh*
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I think Jack/Rimmer would be the most suitable of that bunch. Though he could give the Cat a run for his money, and make Kryten very flustered. Maybe he does as a matter of course, and this makes Rimmer all the more worked up and agitated.
*plots*