hope | Field of Mars

*sniffles* Poor John. He's lost his whole family. I was kind of hoping they'd make him into a werewolf too. *sob*
-Aya

I was kind of hoping they'd make him into a werewolf too.

all that alpha might cause some kind of Winchester-implosion, though!

... I can't believe I've given that consideration. la la.

Thanks for the feedback :)

Oh, that was lovely and sad, totally heartbreaking. He knows, and they know, and they were *there* but they didn't talk, didn't...connect, except in the most tenuous way.
*sniffle*

Lovely stuff.

they were *there* but they didn't talk, didn't...connect, except in the most tenuous way.

possibly I'm psychotic like that. but... couldn't really see it happening any other way. heh.

Thank you - I'm glad you liked it :)

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tabaqui - 2006-06-29 04:32 (UTC) - Expand

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hope - 2006-06-29 05:10 (UTC) - Expand

Gods. That was...I...wha...guh. That was amazing. I had chills. Finding the car...aughh! And the journal...and...and...I have to go read the Tiber story now. Gah!

Oh, and thank YOU so much for this. It's...geez, where are my powers of speech when I need them? Oh, I forgot. This story stole them.

I am totally fascinated by the fact that you read this before you read Tiber. It must be... different. :D

Glad to see it still worked despite (or thanks to?) that, though!

Thank YOU for the lovely feedback - I'm really glad you enjoyed this :)

i kept wondering how it was going to turn out, wondering if john was going to shoot the two wolves without knowing, even after he and caleb found the den and caleb left, and then they led him back to the stream and i figured it would be ok. "ok" in this case meaning "no one had to die." the boys took care of john and he buried his bullets so he wouldn't have to shoot them. probably the only way it could have ended without them all being dead. heartbreaking, but beautifully written, especially all the descriptions of the forest and john and caleb's trails and camps.

>>Nothing was missing, he writes, then strikes it out.<<

...because something IS.

Thank you for the lovely feedback. It took a while to wrap my head around how to go about writing this ultimate outcome, and then a while longer to wrap John's head around it. I'm really glad it worked for you :)

Thanks again :)

Wow, I think this broke me.

*stares at computer blankly, overcome*

I can't even begin to delineate everything I loved about this but the one thing I can't get away from is the idea that John knew, deep down, the entire time, he just didn't want to believe it.

And that line. Oh my fuck. The ending, everything, is overwhelmingly amazing. Wow, just ... wow.

the idea that John knew, deep down, the entire time, he just didn't want to believe it.

... and that ties into what I believe is at the core of John's character - because canonically he's already thrown his life away in the pursuit of a goal he can never obtain - getting Mary back.

but anyhoo. This feedback made me grin stupidly. I'm really glad you liked it! Or, were broken by it, which is almost better :D

Thanks so much for commenting :)

Gah, this is wonderful. Really haunting.

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it :D

Nothing was missing, he writes, then strikes it out.

That's where my heart clutched and stuttered, and I spent the rest of the story breathless.

Even though the reader knows so much more than John, you've created this crushing air of dread and menace, so that every threat feels total and unknown. Fear of the dark, even though we know exactly what's in the dark.

I'm pretty damn speechless at this; it's easily one of the best stories I've ever read, let alone fanfics. It's haunting and wonderful and terrible and you're amazing.

YOU'RE amazing.

Though seriously dude, thank you for the feedback. I am extremely glad that this worked for you, I um, might have had a little bit of anxiety on that front.

xox

This is amazing, especially the last image, John burying the silver. It's surprisingly gentle, considering how gut-wrenching the whole situation is.

I loved that even though there was no real contact, still, they had the exchange of journals, as if John will have something of Sam and Dean's (that he gave to them), and they'll have something of his.

Beautuful. Poor John.

Thank you :) I'm glad you liked it - thanks for commenting :)

*whimpers*

Oh. This was - thank you, thank you, thank you for pointing this out! Because I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on it any longer.

John trailing them, well yes - he would, everything he's doing, he's doing for (Mary and) his boys. Well, in a kinda obsessive, mission, batman/sarah connor kinda way.
And his denial at what the evidence is suggesting, looking instead for what would take them away? *winces*
Aww.

Man, words not working properly. This? Was absorbing, a little doom-y, suspenseful in the moving-characterisation kinda way, and an excellent late-late night treat.
(5am? Ok, I possibly should have left this til the morning/when I wake up, but - awww! I'm so yay!)

And I knew they'd rescue John when he got all lost and things. *sniffa*
Passing in the night, though, no goodbyes, just "I'm sorry".
Better though, to know, rather than just - gone.
Ok, sleep now. And that's again for the pointer!
;)

Yay! I'm so glad you liked this one :D

John was really tricky to write (emotionally unvailable, much?) so I'm really happy that it all came together and worked as John in the end.

*yayes*

One of the best Supernatural fic i've read so far...and the most heartbreaking to boot,...*sobs*...i've already read the first one where both Sam and Dean turned into wares, and that one leaves a bittersweet feeling from start till end, making me both smile like a lovestruck loon and cry like a big baby at how far Sammy are willing to go through for Dean,...*sniffles*...and this sequel just done it in for me, i just can't stop myself from sobbing at how much tragedy poor John had to go through, first loosing his beloved Mary, and then his two precious sons turns into the very monsters that he's been training them to hunt down since they both were little kids, mannnn that is just fuck up dude,....*shakes-head*...

All in all, this fic of yours is the best Supernatural fic i've read in weeks sooo far, and i'm glad that i didn't missed the chance to read such a gem of a fic like this,...*hugs*...thanks for writing it and sharing it with us Supernatural fans,...*smooch*...i might be a bit late on catching up on reading this fic, but believe me, it's the best Supernatural fic ever to me, and again, i hope you would continue writing in the Supernatural fandom okies??...*smile*...

Till my next review, keep up the good work, and ganbate-ne!! \/^_^\/

Thank you for the lovely feedback!! I'm really glad you enjoyed this, and the fact that I can't seem to really write anything that's truly cheerful :D

I'm definitely writing more Supernatural fic, hopefully soon!!

Thanks again :)

I read this before I read On the banks of the Tiber, so wow, that was a shock, but it really worked. I figured it along with John, dreading what I knew it was going to be. And I've really been haunted by this (and the prequel) ever since. It's heartbreaking, but in a totally different way than I've read before. Amazing story. My throat gets tight every time I reread it.

It always kinda fascinates me when people read this before Tiber! Your experience of it must be so much different.

Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it. I'm glad it's stuck with you :)

I finally came around to reading your werewolf AU, and I'm angry with myself I didn't read it earlier.

Sam doing something like this for Dean - share this life, because he couldn't be without him seemed like the ultimate sacrifice. I really enjoyed "On the Banks of the Tiber" and its sequel - I'd loved for John to find his boys, just get a fleeting glance at them, so we might know how they are, too.

Thank you darling! I'm really glad you liked these stories :) I am rather fond of my boys. Thanks :)

PS. hee, icon.

gah these were great. so now johnny knows, yeah? that his boys are werewolves? i love me some winchester angst.

yeah, he totally does. I love me some Winchester angst, too.

Glad you enjoyed them :)

This hurt to read, all the way through. So beautiful. The imagery much more clean and vibrant than in Tiber. The stag thundering through the woods toward John, and the boys hunting. Oh, man. The wind moving through the forest..

This one is amazing.

Towards the end, you know, kinda embarrassing to say, but I had tears, just a steady flow of them - the kind you don't even notice, and then don't want to wipe away when you do.

So beautiful it hurts.

*is hardcore fangirling this fic*
Definitely in my top five, fancy lady.

Thank you for the lovely feedback :)

I think this comes through cleaner and tighter than Tiber (admittedly, yeah) for a couple of reasons I can think of - I thought about this one a lot more, put off writing it a lot more before I actually got it down; whereas Tiber just came out on its own, I had no idea where it was going. Secondly, it was freaking hard work to write John in this! It's easy enough to bumble on with the boys, but John tends to need more careful handling. So I'm so glad it worked out!

Thank you again! I've come to um, quite adore you brain in the past week, so your hardcore fangirling makes me very pleased.

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kitsune-red.livejournal.com - 2006-08-01 16:42 (UTC) - Expand

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hope - 2006-08-02 01:06 (UTC) - Expand

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kitsune-red.livejournal.com - 2006-08-02 02:47 (UTC) - Expand

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hope - 2006-08-02 02:49 (UTC) - Expand

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kitsune-red.livejournal.com - 2006-08-02 02:54 (UTC) - Expand

Very, very powerful story. You've given me a lump in my throat and a desperate wish to hug the lot of them, not that it would help or they would accept it.

Very well done, can't be any more coherent than that.

Thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed the story :)

Thanks for feedbacking, too! And yep, they all need a big group hug, I agree.

Mary made me read this for the John love. I have to go cry now.

awww, yay john love!! i'm glad you, er... liked it. *petpet*

thanks :)

oh wow this story hurt and yet I'm glad Sam and Dean at least have each other. I really felt for John.

Thank you :) Poor John indeed.

A beautful accompaniment to the first part... really loved both of these stories.

Thank you!! I'm glad you enjoyed them :) :)

So I have a story. I kept meaning to read these, and starting them and being called away and distracted and so on until I think I've read (and adored!) everything else you've written in this fandom but still hadn't got past the first five hundred words of Tiber. And then tonight I got out my brand new nice smelling soaps and printed off both stories and ran a bath and read Tiber and went !!!!!!!!!!!! and then read Mars and got about three quarters of the way through and got to the end of what I'd printed off which was not the end of the fic. And I was dripping wet and the bathroom was a mess so I used my nice soaps and got dressed and cleaned the bathroom and then sat down with this (smelling like blackcurrants and pumice (http://www.lushnz.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=9554), omg) AND AND AND MY POINT IS. !

These two are wonderful. And I'm so glad I finally took them time to read them really slowly and do them justice, because I think they really benefit from the close read I give to something I actually print onto paper (which I NEVER do). The details and the way you absolutely avoid any kind of specifics for both of them.

One of the many bits that really struck me (from Tiber, actually):

Sam’s lolling in the fresh sun, waning crescent moon low in the pale sky above his shaggy head, slicing into the blue like a blade from another life. He’s picking venison fibers from his teeth; they eat very little that isn’t meat now, regardless of what phase it is.

This is such fabulously wolf-y vocabulary and imagery, and when I tell you I read a lot of Remus/Sirius back in the day you may understand that I read a lot of stuff with heavy canine imagery and sometimes it was subtle but mostly it was clunky. You managed to get all the best bits of the subtle stuff without being pretentious and it was so very canine I had to go back and make sure they were speaking aloud and definitely in human form in that paragraph!

Also: Caleb! <3. And John. Um. *sobs brokenly*

These were such a pleasure to read.

Thanks so much for the lovely feedback!! I'm really glad you enjoyed this. the things you point out make me very gleeful :)

JOHN. indeed.

x!

I feel a little ridiculous coming upon this so late, considering, but I couldn't not say anything.

I just read both On the Banks of Tiber and Field of Mars. The whole thing is brilliant but I am especially in awe of how skillfully you talked about Sam and Dean and SamandDean without ever doing so - all the while telling an actual, proper story involving plot. This is possibly the best example of 'show, don't tell' and that goes not only for literary technique (in terms of how well you show their love for and devotion to each other) but also for the diegesis because what better way for Sam to stay than to stay?

And then with John... I never thought, even after IMToD (or maybe especially after that), that I'd feel sympathetic toward him but your writing spun such a tale of 'tragic flaw'... Especially because Caleb is there and even though the fic is John's POV, the reader is still present in person of Caleb and once he leaves, everything gets so hazy and tense.

I could ramble on and on about this but I doubt I'd be coherent. One last thing though.. I don't go for gen most of the time. I guess because genfic usually doesn't satisfy my need to see Dean loved (which I guess is the primary reason I read fanfic in SPN). But this one? Thinking about it as gen somehow makes the effect all the more stronger.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for the lovely feedback!! I'm so glad the stories worked for you... Mars especially was really difficult to write, and I think that made it a whole lot tighter than Tiber was. I do love both these stories a lot, though. Thank YOU :)

Oh, fuck I mean, I haven't *finished* it yet, I got to here:

"Found the Chevy last week, he writes, Dumped, not crashed. Abandoned, not jacked.

Nothing was missing, he writes, then strikes it out."

And I'm in the uni computer labs, so there are people all around and I don't think my heart can take it. I'm typing looking resolutely at the keyboard, so I don't have to see the end of the fic above or the comments below and man, you're killing me. I think I love you!

*petpet* Ah, reading fic in the uni computer labs. I remember those days *g*

I er, hope you enjoyed the ending of it, too. though 'enjoyed' maybe isn't the best term...?

At any rate, yay. Thank you :)

Oh man - this broke my heart, especially at the end with

The Glock’s waterlogged, useless, nothing he can clean it with here so he has to slide the clip out instead of firing it into the hole he’s dug. The forest doesn’t quiet around him as he thumbs the bullets one-by-one into the raw earth and that almost seems more fitting than arresting the gentle rhythms lapping in on all sides with gunfire.

Thank you :) I'm glad you enjoyed it!

There was another story, months ago, where one of the boys gets cut and they are not sure if he's tainted or not. So they wait, and the gun is loaded with silver bullets... if the one turns, the other will kill him and then shoot himself, so they can die together.

This spins that completely, obviously, Sam can't bear to not be with Dean, so he chooses to have them both live as something else. I'm not sure Dean would have made the same decision.

I'm glad you didn't have them turn John also... it would have been too cliched. I'm not sure if I'd have wanted John to find them and kill them though. Tough call.

You did an excellent job of writing this and I'm not surprised it was nominated for a Lawrence award... This type of story never occurs to me and I'm amazed and awed that you did it - and did it so well.

Incredible.

I remember that fic, I'm somewhat fond of it :)

Thank you so much for the lovely feedback. I'm glad that you liked it!

I can't believe I'm just finding this now. That's what I get for joining fandom late. Anyway, these stories are so good I'm actually a little confused, which is what happens when I get distracted by such lovely and evocative writing. I like this one, this John, so much it hurts. And of course the nothing was missing got me just like it got everyone else.

Hee! but joining the fandom late means you get to gobble up all the fic in one go!

apologies for confusion, I have a habit of being terribly obtuse. I'm glad you enjoyed my stories :) Thank you!

Good LORD.

AS many have already said, this is one of the most fantastically well written Supernatural stories in the fandom. I've just read both this and Tiber, and truly, they are both just fantastic. I don't think you were too obtuse, I think the less-clear portrayal in Tiber worked very well since it was coming from Dean's POV as he wasn't at the top of his form. And in Mars, I think your portrayal of John works very well; I absolutely love the little outdoorsman details that show he's an experienced hunter... ..just ALL of it. This series is a whole lot of angst, but it's an almost entirely original form of angst for the fandom, and it is phenomenally well-done. Thank You so much for sharing it with us.

Thank you for the great feedback!! This was really my first attempt at John, and it was a big learning curve, because it came with the realisation that to write these guys well... you kind of have to out-smart them. At least in order to show any hunting! and that's a lot of work. I'm SO glad it turned out well :D