There are few things in SPN fic that exasperate me more than the constant parroting of the "It's Sam, not Sammy" line. Because I don't think the majority of people who use that in fics actually get it. In fact, most people don't even do anything with it. More often that not it feels as if it's been thrown in in order for the author to make an attempt to connect to canon/characterisation through repeating something canonical. Whereas real strength in characterisation and skill in writing is manifest when a character says something you believe they would say, not when the say something they've said before, over and over again. It's not very believable as 'real' when a character is just parroting themselves in inappropriate circumstances.

But anyway, huh, tangent.

What I meant to say was, I love the way the 'Sam' vs. 'Sammy' is used in the show.

From flashbacks amongst other things we know that 'Sammy' is what Sam was largely known as, at least by his family, throughout his childhood. In the Pilot we have Dean slipping back into the habit, ostensibly at a point where he does it consciously to irk Sam ("sorry, music's too loud, can't hear you!"), as siblings have a tendency to do, just for the glee of being irritating. Sam's response "Sammy was a chubby twelve year-old, it's Sam, now" underlines the inherent association between 'Sammy' and, well yeah - the chubby twelve-year-old. The person Sam was when he was a child, the person Sam has been for most of his life to date, the person Dean and John quite possibly know him best as, especially as his recent emotional/physical independence is something Dean and John were not actually witness to.

That said, the roles they inhabit in their relationship dynamic is often manifest in the Sam vs. Sammy instances. Largely, I think, Dean recognises that Sam is an adult now and doesn't need to be treated like a child, whereas for John (at least up until Dead Man's Blood) both boys are still children in his eyes. Someone has commented somewhere about the different ways Sam and Dean work on hunts in comparison to how John and the boys work on hunts - Sam and Dean work together, share information, hash things out together with a good deal of respect for the other's experience and intelligence (in other words, as equals); whereas John places an automatic heirarchy of Daddy-knows-best, and the boys should just take orders without input or question.

In other words, to a degree I think Sam and Dean were more equal with eachother when growing up by default - two children, brothers; of course they'll be sitting at the kid's table together when John's with the grownups.

All that said, obviously there are dynamics within that micro-cosm of the family's structure, the big brother-little brother thing. Dean obviously feels a strong sense of responsibility toward Sam on a gut, ingrained level, feels responsible for Sam's safety. This doesn't mean that his concept of 'Sam' is stuck at Sam being a baby who cries when he's hungry. But it does mean that that 'Sammy' signifier comes out to play at occassions when this instinct of Dean's comes to the fore, when that dynamic comes into play most strongly.

Sam knows it as well, knows the connotations of the Sammy-name, and at times resents the dynamics behind it but also understands it to a degree.

In the Pilot it's Dean deliberately provoking him, and Sam is easily provoked because at that point, that's exactly what's going on - Sam is struggling to dig his heels in, assert his own life and his own choices, even as he's entirely on Dean's turf.

By the time it gets to Bloody Mary, though, things have changed. The conditions for the Pilot exchange of "Sammy"/"It's Sam" are entirely different here. I mean, cmon, it's pretty damn obvious that when Dean says "Sammy, Sammy!" as he hauls a half-dead Sam off the floor and cradles his bloodied face that he's not saying it to irritate Sam. He's saying it because he's returning to that primacy of "Little brother needs caring for, must care for him" (same as the way he calls for "Sammy!" when he walks out of the bar in The Benders and finds that Sam is gone). And Sam knows that. When the first thing he says is "It's Sam", he's not been unfeeling in reaction to this instinct in Dean, and he's not correcting Dean because he's irritated. He's telling Dean that he's OK. He's soothing Dean. Sam is saying - It's not Sammy, because I don't need you to care for me here, not because I'm independent/grownup/etc, but because I'm not hurt. que?

And Sam doesn't always correct Dean when Dean calls him Sammy, doesn't always want to correct Dean. Like in Devil's Trap, there are moments of panic, emotional distress for both of them when Dean does it unthinkingly (like the opening scene, when they've just spoken to Meg on the phone) - Dean slips back into that instinctual positioning and Sam doesn't bat an eyelid because he does too, to a degree. Not that he runs around begging for icecream or some crap like that, and hell, he still holds his own in being adamant that his opinion is just as worth consideration - but when it comes down to it, isn't Devil's Trap all about Sam trusting Dean? And trusting that Dean knows what's best for Sam, above John, above all else - because above all else, it's Dean's job to make sure nothing bad happens to Sam, and therefore if Sam trusts Dean - nothing bad will happen to Sam. Sam's finally trusting the truth of that. So Dean letting a 'Sammy' slip there is more reassuring for Sam than it is irritating, and on some level Dean knows that, and that's why he does it (also, it's no doubt comforting for him).

John, on the other hand - John uses 'Sammy' more frequently than he uses 'Sam', and it means a different thing to when Dean says it. John calling Sam 'Sammy' is the same as John saying to Dean "I'm not sure I like this new tone of yours" - for John, they still are children, and to a degree Sam accepts that. Sure, there's all the shouty-jaw and chest-beating when it comes to 'treat me like a grownup, dammit!' but when it comes to the unseverable father-child relationship, Sam's just as comfortable and comforted to have that still in place. See: the spending college fund on ammo scene in DMB. That scene is about John showing respect to Sam and vice versa, but the respect is more about love between a father and a son than between two adult men, if that makes sense. Why would Sam correct John's use of 'Sammy' there?

And considering all of the above, I don't think I need to explain why Sam says "It's Sam" when his co-captive calls him 'Sammy' in The Benders.

Okay, I admit it: quite possibly the biggest kink-button SPN hits (or rather, pounds with its mighty fist) for me is its playing around with prodigal narrative. And when I say kink-button, I mean kink-button. Like, when I talk about it in posts like this? What I can actually examine and articulate is the tip of the iceberg. The massive, unaccessible giant hunk of ice below the surface tends to make itself known in pretty much any creative endeavor I undertake, and the extent of it is not something I am consciously aware of, that much I know for sure.

Anyway. Supernatural and the prodigal narrative.

Lawrence, Kansas. Aside from (or should I say, as well as) Dean's whole "I swore I'd never go back there" stuff, I am freaking head-over-heels for the Winchester family's relationship to Lawrence. John's diary talks about how after Mary's death he stayed with Mike (the guy he co-owned his garage with) and his wife, how they were increasingly disturbed by his behaviour, and how he eventually left them - without saying goodbye, before they were even awake.

In other words, John Winchester disappeared. John Winchester and his infant children disappeared. This is something that would not be taken lightly, despite the fact that the police closed the case of Mary's death and ruled out foul play.

In 'Home' we see Sam and Dean talking to Mike, and he mentions a police investigation following John's disappearance, that the case was never closed.

And in 'The Benders' we see Dean & Sam's names come up on the police record search, but not John's (ignoring, of course, the fact that there are more Winchesters than 3 in the world anyway). And hey, why isn't Mary's name on there? Does John have any other relatives? What happened to *his* parents? (and no matter what the answer to that one is, it's completely relevant.)

I like the concept that John leaving Lawrence signals *that* John Winchester ceasing to exist - at least in that world. That Sam and Dean come up in the police search because they are so totally removed from their childhood identities, pre-fire.

Because really, police records? Open (albeit old) police case? There would have to have been some severance there to ensure the connection between the Sam and Dean Winchester in the police records and infants Sam and Dean Winchester who disappeared from Lawrence in 1983 was never made.

I am totally pinged by Sam and Dean visiting Mike, visiting Lawrence, and Lawrence (and Mike, with whom they lived with some twenty years earlier) not recognising them. That is the most ... stimulating part of the prodigal narrative for me: the return from the other world, changed. How the pieces won't fit together anymore, how that effects the players on both sides (those who left, those who were left behind). What happens when the surfaces of each are pressed to the other.

The "I can never go home" refrain of the Pilot is something that echoes throughout the very elements of the show, I think.


And speaking of homes, ( minor Dead Man's Blood, Salvation & Devil's Trap spoilers )

That is to say, the nomad lifestyle isn't par for the course for hunters. Why does John choose this lifestyle? Ostensibly he's chasing the demon, but he said that trail had been cold for nearly 20 years before he goes 'missing'. Are we to assume that they did, in fact, spend the past 20 years on the road? In the draft pilot, they had a home base they roamed from. There's certainly no mention of a home, or base, in what we see aired, but was that always the case? It *is* nice to think, and possibly more likely than motel after motel for 20 years, especially with schooling, that they rented places here and there.

How long they stayed in each and what made John choose those places and choose to move on is something many a fic-writer has speculated on. Maybe they were relatively stable, if moving around a lot, before school ended and Sam left? And then Dean and John took well and truly to the road.

Some things to think about, anyway.

I was just chatting with lea_ndra on the contradictory readings of Supernatural canon when it comes to how long Sam's been at Stanford.

Four years:
- I believe at one point Sam talks about being gone for four years, yes?
- Which fits in with Stanford's program in which a bachelor degree can be obtained in four years.
- Which, ostensibly, means that Sam in November of 2005 is about to get in to the last semester, and is applying to move on to law school.

Two years:
- Dean says he hasn't spoken to Sam in 'almost two years'
- Not sure of the variations college-by-college and culture-by-culture - Sam could be halfway through his degree, shifting to focus his major on pre-law.
- Eric Kripke has admitted he made a 'mistake', that he meant two years when he scripted in Sam to say four.

So, which one is the 'right' one? Which one is 'canon'? Are these the questions we should be even asking?

My firmest belief of, and joy in, texts and fan/audience readings is that there is no one answer, and there is no one author. Texts take on lives of their own beyond the control of the creator, become fluid and organic.

So by Kripke allegedly slipping up and saying Sam has been at Stanford four years, he's adding an ingredient to the soup that changes the flavour of every spoonful you taste.

- Sam is 22. Four years means he left for college pretty much right after he finished high school.
- Dean hasn't spoken to him for 2 years. This means that Dean had contact with Sam at some time during his first two years of college.
- Four years of college means he's almost obtained a degree - is right no the cusp, nothing half-assed about it.

For me at least, suggesting that Sam has only been at college for two years throws askew a whole lot of elements that have become integral to Sam's characterisation (or at least, my understanding of it):

- Sam is 22. This means he would have left his family for college when he was 20.
- If he finished high school at age 18, this means there are two years there where he's still with his family and not yet at college. Why would Sam do this, especially scholarship-worthy as he is?
- What happens in those two years? Why does Sam decide not to go to college immediately after school? Why does he decide to go to college two years on?
- Sam is still Sammy, a child, when he leaves for college in the four-year slant. He comes back to John and Dean an adult. In the two-year slant, he leaves as an adult.

lea_ndra suggested that in her understanding, the two-year one, Sam's childhood meant he missed out on a lot of schooling and thus finished high school a little later than usual. With this slant, Sam can still move directly from high school to college, but still, Sam still being around with his family at age 20 (instead of age 17-18) is a somewhat different dynamic than teenage!Sammy running off to California. Was his resentment toward John stronger, their fights more bitter due to the fact that Sam wasn't finishing school at the same time 'normal' kids did? or that Sam felt John had even less of a right to treat him as he did given he was no longer a child?


Tiny, tiny things, maybe-mistakes, that make such a huge difference. Is canon something that's defined by what is aired, released into the ether, never to be withdrawn? *can* the creator of a text alter its canon post-release by saying things like "actually, I meant to say two years"?

These questions blur into the slightly problematic (or at least, complex and layered) issues of texts with multiple authors. Scripts have some direction, mainly dialogue; the way an actor performs a scene goes great lengths to establishing meaning and tone in a text, often far beyond what is written. And even what is directed. Eg. Kripke might say there's no sexual innuendo between Sam and Dean, but Jensen Ackles slapped Jared Padalecki's ass when they were filming a scene for 'Bugs' - the fact that Dean slapped Sam's ass is canon, now, it has been released into the ether and copies of the text have spread virus-like. Even if in the DVD Dean's slap had been digitally removed, the DVD would only be another *version* of the text - the 'original' would still exist, on my hard drive at least.

So which is the definitive 'canon'? The show as it was aired? the show as it was re-aired, with Dean calling "Jared!" taken out? The drafts of scripts, the final scripts, the remastered DVDs? the story as the creators tell it in interviews etc? Or is canon an overlap, layers, a veritable lasagne of all these tasty carbohydrate sheets of text? What happens, then, when they're contradictory?

How do you define what's canon when strictly, it's only what's given to you by the text itself? When Sam left for college, how old he was, etc - we can speculate, and make educated guesses, but essentially, whatever we come up with *isn't* going to be canon, because it is never mentioned in the text.

At this point I think it's most likely that Jess was killed because Sam wasn't there. Not as in: if he'd been there instead of off shagging his brother in Jericho, he would have been able to save her, but because she wasn't the original intended target.

Not that Sam would've ended up on the ceiling. But Sam woulda ended up like Meg, or telekinesis!boy (who, by the way, gets a name in the sides for that episode, which I'll post about a little later omg!). The demon was coming for him.

And yes, you've got the fact that there were the signs in Palo Alto leading to Jess's death - extreme weather, cattle deaths, etc... but there's nothing to say that that doesn't precede any kind of appearance by Ceiling Demon, not necessarily just a fiery ceiling death.

But my point is, Chuck Norris leaves a nightlight on because he's scared of the John Winchester in his closet. John admits to Sam that he didn't want Sam to leave because he was concerned for Sam's safety. Dean admits to Sam that John swung by Stanford to check on him more than once in the four-year period they were a part.

I really, really *don't* think that all John would be doing was a driveby.

As I've mentioned before, I don't think Dean turning up and taking Sam away right at that time is coincidental. And I don't mean deliberate in terms of Narrative Arc or Giant Prophecy, more in terms of Winchester Family Values. Whether Dean was instructed or manipulated by John into going to get Sam, or whether it was Dean's own Sammy-instinct driving him to take Sam away from the danger - it is more likely that Demon caused the Dean-visit than Dean-visit caused the Demon.

(In other words, Dean 'dragging Sam back into hunting' didn't ruin his life, it saved his life. Sam would have been destroyed along with this normal existence if Dean hadn't shoehorned him back into the hunting existence.)

Because really, John is SO not stupid. (I mean, cmon.) We know that at the forefront of his mind at all times, the thing that is the basis for the rest of his life, is finding the Demon. We know that a short while before Dean comes to Sam, John goes AWOL because the signs become increasingly significant.

We know that John has a habit of not sharing all his info with the boys. And we know that the show is essentially from the POV of Dean and Sam; in other words, John knows more than we know. Definitely. What he tells them in Salvation - I think there's more than that. I think he has an inkling, maybe more, of Sam's significance to the Demon. I think he knows what Bobby knows - the huge number of possessions, that kind of thing. I'm not surprised that he'd keep this from them, tell them only what they need to know to be good soldiers.

So anyway, my point is - John Winchester: Player with a capital P.

Just watched the pilot again. On a GIANT SCREEN TV. \o/

Things for me to write down while I remember:

- John goes to Jericho three weeks before October 31
- John visits Joseph Welch 3-4 days before November 1
- John leaves Jericho abruptly/leaves a voicemail for Dean about 2 days before November 1
- The salt line/cat's eye shells in John's hotel room suggest (as Sam points out) that he's worried about something being after him. Judging by Constance's pattern (and the fact that John has solved her mystery and thus knows this), it's not the Woman in White he's worried about - it's while he's in Jericho that he's investigating the Big Bad. Also, yeah, he doesn't speak to Dean for 3 weeks before he's even left Jericho. Does his leaving Jericho in a hurry (doesn't even finish his hamburger, dude) have something to do with Celine Demon signs popping up in Palo Alto? (though that line of reasoning doesn't entirely fit with this one... Unless, like, Dean spoke to Dad around the time he left the message, too (or, you know, hey - John's message is "we're all in danger" - quite possibly that's enough of an order for Dean to go get Sam - by pre-arrangement/understanding between Dean and John, or even just Dean's ingrained SammySammySammy-instinct.))


Timeline of the pilot (and, okay, here's where the show screws up - because Jess dies on Sunday night, November 2, 2005 - only in RL calendar, that's a Wednesday. But ho well):

- Friday 31 October (Halloween): Dean shows up at Sam's apartment. Sam goes with him that night.
- Saturday 1 November: Sam and Dean drive and arrive in Jericho. They scope the town out, then Saturday night they see Constance on the bridge.
- Sunday 2 morning: check into hotel, discover psychopath!Daddy's room. Dean washes the river off, Sam checks his messages, Dean gets arrested.
- Sunday 2 day: Dean's at the police station, Sam visits Joseph Welch.
- Sunday 2 evening: Dean escapes police station, Sam meets Constance.
- Sunday 2 night: drive back to Palo Alto, Jess's death.
- Monday 3: Sam totally misses his law school interview.

Okay, just had to sort that out because as I was watching it was a bit like, buh? where'd they sleep? howcome it's day already? what the? It all pans out (unlike Bugs, bless it, which has them "omg! nightfall! oh shit, quick, up the stairs!" and then "oh no, the roof's broken.. but yay, morning!" because hookay, apparently night time is only 3 minutes long these days. they must be right on the north pole there or something), but there are unexplained POCKETS OF TIME.

and another things:

- liek, big-screen tv? A TEAR. A TEAR, SILHOUETTED BY THE LIGHTS OF A FIRETRUCK, FALLS FROM SAM'S FACE when Dean walks up to him while he's playing with the shotgun. A TEAR.

- also, their expressions when Constance and her children come together. In the past I've read that plot as parallel and foreshadowing to Sam's whole "I can never go home," refrain, but this time I was totally tuned in to the Mary thread - Dean's whole "Don't talk about her like that" when Sam quite frankly tells Dean that no matter what happens, she can never be reunited with them, and then for them to witness what happens when Constance (with her long, flowing hair and white nightgown) is reunited with her two children - she's destroyed. Because, yaknow, the whole "I can never go home" thing harkens back to the Hero's Journey, doesn't it? Like Frodo. The hero returns home, to the home they've been fighting for all along, only they have changed and thus cannot enjoy the fruits of their labor, so to speak (We set out to save the Shire, and we did - but not for me). Isn't that Dean's whole thing? that he's constantly trying to convince Sam that it's the same for both of them - there's no going back from their life, there's no way they can be 'normal' knowing what they know. Constance's demise suggest Dean's anxiety - they're tainted, ruined; they would destroy pure Mary by coming into contact with her. The constant irony of their life - they're doing it for her, but it's something that could never exist if she were alive, eh?



Also watched Wendigo again. Fuck, I love that episode SO HARD. I think the thing I absolutely adore most about it (which really shines through the more I watch it) is where Pilot is really about drawing the audience in, playing for scares and putting them through the motions and all, Wendigo is really about them. The dialogue between them - it's not fill-in-the-blanks plot stuff (oh god, that whole conversation as they're walking down the fire escape... which, is great, by the way, because that's where Dean's parked his car, as he came in via the fire escape), it's fill-in-the-character stuff. That whole "saving people; hunting things!" and "It's the only thing I can think about" conversation... It just tells you so much about each of the characters, and so much about their dynamic and relationship, and it does it so beautifully. It is not clunky at all, for fuck's sake, which has a lot to do with the performances, I think.

Anyway, I love that scene. And I love that already by the second episode (by the end of the pilot, really), that despite the clunky exposition in every episode when it comes to the freak of the week stuff, when it comes to them, they say so much with so little. They're hunters, and undercover, and they communicate volumes by gestures and glances. Like with Dean's "we all stick together" in Wendigo, he does this wavy-hand thing between the kid (Ben) and Sam, and gives Sam this look, and he's saying loud and clear "You keep an eye on them/take care of them".

And yeah. The writing, direction and performance that goes into making the Winchester history/narrative arc real: that it's not just a plot device that Sam is coming back to hunting, and we can see in the earlier episodes the way they have so much history but they're not used to being around each other, are adjusting back to being around each other, are adjusting to the other being different to the last time they were together. Just, dude. The power of that whole dynamic dynamic that is just as significant as ( Dead Man's Blood spoiler ) only a shiteload more subtle.

And the cinematography just in the two episodes I watched (and from what I can recall right now, in a lot of the episodes) - the way their significant conversations are shot: Sam will be talking, the camera will frequently be on Dean's face, and vice versa - the other's reaction/emotional absorption of the speaker's words is what's important, not just what's being said. It's about the characters here, not the plot progression.


OH GOD. SO MUCH SHOW-LOVE.

... if it keeps up the trajectory of Season 1 providing bucketloads of glistening fanservice (see: flashback angst, two queens, vampires, wall-throwing, nair+shampoo, et al).

5. Playing doctor Winchester Family First Aid.

4. Werewolves.

3. Succubus. And one bro has to snap the other bro out of it/distract them somehow from the succubus/insert another thinly-veiled metaphor here.

2. Two words: Evil Dead.

1. Monsters = exploding monsters = Dean being covered in monster goo.

eta: thanks, ficbyzee:

0. Genderfuck.

-1. Bodyswap.

Along the lines of these two posts, lookit:

( spoiler image from Devil's Trap )

Subtle, no? Also, speaking of them, ( spoilers for the last three episodes of Season 1 )

In the tradition of You Know You're Reading A Supernatural Fic When...


5. The Metallicar has an automatic transmission, because Dean isn't the kind of guy who likes wrenching around the gears and stroking her engine so she purrs; he just likes to slide the stick into 'D' and get going.

4. The Metallicar is at least 7' wide, providing ample room for two men over 6' tall apiece to do the horizontal hokey-pokey in the backseat.

3. Speaking of the backseat, it is the depth of at least a single bed, as it allows two rather built men over 6' tall apiece to tussle whilst naked over who gets to top, get off, then spoon whilst horizontal.

2. The Metallicar has a special kind of cruise control; the kind that kicks in and stops her from running off the road and into a tree whilst the driver is getting a blow job.

1. Speaking of the driver getting action, have I mentioned that the Metallicar has a special retractable steering wheel? This is another automatic feature that is initiated when a naked person is wedged between it and the driver's lap.

EDIT June 5, 2006:

I've now set up a website to better organise the information originally in this post:

http://supernaturalwiki.com

Feel free use the comments feature on this post to pass on information or corrections relevant to the site!

I tried to go to bed; it didn’t work.

( more spoilers, some speculation, a poll. )

( eta: hah. that’s why don’t like Meg. (meta) )

( more SPN costuming meta, with pictures - spoilers for 1.16: Shadow and 1.18: Something Wicked )

And while I'm talking about John and Dean, ( ... 1.20: Dead Man's Blood spoilers )

( eta! )


I am on fire with the meta today. Next on the spn:meta agenda: fandom meta on genderfuckery.

As I have discussed before, I have Supernatural theories on the Sam-Max-Meg dynamic. Or rather, arc.

In part of the whole big conspiracy-theory arc, it's pretty damn obvious that Sam and Meg and Max are connected somehow. Regardless of their biological origins, I reckon in some aspect they're cuckoo babies - they're not just thematically similar, they're all part of the same 'generation' in the grand scheme of things.

That said, one of the things I love lots about the show is its ham-fistedness. It's not subtle at all in its 'subtext'/foreshadowing/semiotics.

( visual evidence )

The other parallells with Max are pretty obvious... like, their names ('Max' is 'Sam' reversed); and with Meg, too - Meg Masters for frick's sake. (Gee, I wonder who Meg's daddy could be?)


I keep getting excited about where the show is going, but also a bit terrified at how easily I can see it jumping the shark. I mean... I dunno. I may seem like a Sam fangirl, but honestly I am just as much a Dean fangirl. But my love for them is completely different. (And I freaking love that this show can cover all bases for me.) I love that Sam's everything I heart in a fictional character. All his wacky character-development and -arc, the way he's constructed, back story, all that... as a fictional character, I'm totally in love with Sam. He hits my buttons. On the other side, Dean gets me going in an entirely different way - Dean's meta-position in the text gives me a big fat intellectual hard-on. He solidifies (and at the same time, fluid-ifies) the entire discursive structure of the text. I just... nnng. Dean. Do me, and my brain plz kthx.

So anyway, shark-jumping. If Dean's position in the text is degraded and he gets sucked into the sub-level of the fictional text, its authority will be severely compromised and the shark, it will be jumped.

So. *crosses fingers*

PS. I am tagging all my Supernatural meta posts with spn:meta. FYI.

While i've got my big fat mouth open, why don't I talk meta about another fanon characterisation I don't particularly agree with?

( cut for possible spoilers? i'm discussing in particular 1.06:Skin and 1.10:Asylum )

Sam doesn't strive or long for normalcy - he's after a balance between both parts of his life where he gets to have everyone he loves. Think about it - the only time in the entire canon we see him actually happy is in the pilot, that tiny slice of time between when Dean pulls up outside his apartment and he opens his eyes to see Jess pinned to the ceiling.

Think of when we see Sam before Dean turns up in his apartment the first time - he's not entirely happy, is he? He's somewhat melancholy, somewhat conflicted. He won't accept the complete normalcy of that 'normal' life, won't partake in the whole Halloween thing. When Dean turns up, Sam's reluctant to go with him - he stresses to Dean that he's not about to abandon his 'normal' life and give in entirely to the hunt again.

So, think of that little slice of time... Dean drops him off, Sam is happy - happy both because he's come back home at the end of the hunt, and happy because he had a good time with Dean, on the hunt. He agrees, yes, they made a good team. He doesn't say "I can't believe you made me do that, never come back"; he says "call me if you need me". AKA, that was fun, let's do it again. And I can come back home at the end of it.

He has Jess, he has a home, and he has Dean and the thrill of the hunt. I went over that footage closely when I was vidding and dude, as early in the piece (and thus not perfectly-established characterisation yet) as it was, at that moment, Sam was content. This is what he wanted all along - it was John who told him "if you go, stay gone" - I don't think Sam ever wanted that.

So when Jess goes up in flames, it's not the fact that the evil has taken away his normal life and left him with this awful life of hunting, it's that it's taken away his balance, ruined that perfection that he'd only just achieved. That's what he's fighting for - the right to not choose between one or the other, but to have both (to do away with the heirarchy/binary of normal/other or allowed/taboo). Which is actually possible. Which happened, in the pilot - the only thing that stopped it was whatever killed Jess.

So like, that conversation in Shadow that everyone is so het up about... I can't hate Sam for that, because I don't think Dean's perspective on that (which is what we are essentially getting), which has to choose one or the other, is necessarily accurate... Sam says he wants his 'normal' life back once they've killed the demon, but he never says anything about Dean not being a part of that (but because Dean has to choose, for him Sam + no hunting = no Dean). Which is why drvsilla's Maybe gives me a heart-clutch for that option that somehow we didn't automatically consider; that we could have both Sam's need for home and domesticity and Dean's living-for-the-hunt - and thus their need for each other still fulfilled.


But then, there are instances here and there where the text suggests that Sam isn't allowed to have both that he does have to choose - and I think sometimes this 'there-will-be-consequences' element to it slots in with the queer reading; I'm thinking now of the woman in white from the pilot and her "you will be [unfaithful]" - because by partaking in both lives, loving and being with both Jess and Dean, he is being unfaithful - he has to be faithful to one life or the other, and the narrative will ultimately make sure of that somehow (the foreshadowing of which makes me somewhat sick and anxious).

5. It's the Winchester way to repress one's emotions and never talk about one's feelings. This explains why, after the sudden and violent death of Momma Winchester, Papa pretended nothing was wrong, and they lived in picket-fence suburbia in a void of overt aggression until 20 years later when Sam went to off to college without saying a word and John didn't so much as raise his voice in protest. It's not like Dean ever told Sam his feelings on the topic, anyway, so no biggie.

4. Sam's pouring over a book in the library when suddenly his interest is peaked.

3. Sam always picks at a salad while Dean devours a giant bleeding hamburger (while simultaneously devouring the white-trash short-skirted hair-flipping waitress with his eyes) at The Diner Where The Truckers Look At Them Disapprovingly (Unless One Of The Winchesters Happens To Be A Girl, In Which Case The Kind Of Look Is a Little Different And The Remaining Male Winchester Must Punch Someone Right Now). This, of course, is all in character with the fact that when they go back to the hotel room Sam likes to be held down (and "oh! what a pleasant surprise this is!" thought Dean) while Dean fucks him.

2. "Dont call me Sammy its Sam" the younger man shouted at his brothers back, his hazel eyes crying for revenge.

1. Dean sensed movement in the hotel room and was awake instantly, his fingers tightening around the knife/gun/stake/whip under his pillow, keeping his eyes closed. The mattress dipped behind him, and then Sam was climbing into his bed, pressing his body up close behind Dean and sliding an arm around Dean's waist. It's okay, Dean finally relaxed. This is a gen fic.

Alright, Sam's arc in Supernatural as a subverted Oedipal (Freudian rather than mythical) narrative:

First, here's the Oedipal complex's basic structure: boy desires mother, has murderous/jealous thoughts toward father-as-competition. Boy sees mother's lack of penis, deduces from this a castration carried out by the father. Fear/threat of castration overwhelms the desire for the mother; boy submits to the law of the father, giving up the mother with the promise that he'll grow to fill his father's shoes, so to speak, and find a replacement mother (ie. female mate) in future.

So, how does that fit with Sam? [I should note here that I'm looking at this in terms of a metaphoric text with a character representing ideas; I'm not trying to psychoanalyse 'Sam-the-person'.]

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I don’t usually like speculating on TV shows (at least not in public), because I don’t like being wrong, but for Supernatural? I can’t resist it.

( cut for spoilers up to 1.15 & length )